How to Avoid Being the Rebounder – The One Question You Should Always Ask

man_with_roseMany times when we come out of divorce we don’t know the “re-entry” dating rules, which by the way, are significantly different in our thirties and forties than our twenties. For the newbie, it is difficult to recognize what type of relationship you may be in. We are all vulnerable at this stage and knowing what to avoid is key. No one seeks to be the ‘Rebounder’, but the sad truth is we can get sucked in before we realize our status.

How do you know if you are the rebounder? What single question should you ask? And what single answer do you always want to hear?

Think you might be the rebounder or simply want to check your new squeeze’s commitment temperature? Here’s a sure fire way to get an accurate reading.

We’ve all heard the rebounder is typically the first person we have a pseudo-relationship with after a major break up, but this isn’t always the case. Your guy or gal can still be on the rebound several flings later. Sorry, that just didn’t help did it?

So how do you know if you are just another notch in their belt?

Realizing you might be the rebounder can be very unsettling, and there is no sense in wasting any of your pretty green energy over it. If you suspect you are the rebounder then proceed with caution.

Being the rebounder is risky and is best left to people who want to fill a temporary void in someone’s life. The rebounder should realize there is a risky future in this relationship. It is what it is.

The trouble with being the rebounder is the rebounder may not realize they are one until it is too late. Usually this revelation comes after finding out your partner might have unresolved feelings for their ex.

So how do you avoid becoming the rebounder?

To avoid any surprises, it is good to get dialed in right away on where you stand. Your first clue is where you fall on your partner’s post-breakup relationship list. If you are the first person they have dated, chances are you might just be the rebounder, but as I mentioned, this isn’t always the case.

So what single question can and should you ask to find out?

The answer to this very poignant question can be a potential deal breaker at the beginning of any relationship, so brace yourself and simply ask: “What would you do if your ex came back tomorrow?”

There is only one right answer to this question. You should only hear them say that they have experienced this scenario already, the reunion already took place, it didn’t work out, and as a result, the two of them moved on.

Statistically, most couples get back together one last time before calling it quits for good. So, if the scenario hasn’t happened yet, then it should put you on notice that there is a very high probability that a reunion may still be in store for them in the future and to proceed with caution.

Wise rebounders give their partners plenty of time and space, and they don’t rush into anything, including sex, if they want the relationship to last. Visit tomi at

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