Christmas Shopping in High Heels

high heelWhat was I thinking when I left the house in my heels. Still doning the outfit I wore to work, I did a once over as I passed by the mirror and decided I shouldn’t waste time changing my outfit, and besides I might as well look like I have money to spend, even if I don’t. Believe me, I am the first one to admit I love being comfortable while I am shopping. I’m not much of a shopper really, in fact, I feel a little overwhlemed and my dyslexia starts to show. But for some strange reason I felt the need to look spiffy. I am paying the price for it now. My dogs are barkin. Even my comfy fussy red Walmart slippers can’t save them now.
So where were we…oh yes, deal breakers. I was recently on the Armstrong and Getty talk radio show. They featured my book and did an interview of me I think. It happened so fast and when it was over, I wasn’t sure what really happened. There’s a joke there somewhere. But the PR was good and that’s all that matters. These two guys are punchy and political and controversial. Their show airs in parts of the bay area and northern California. So, after what was about the shortest interview of my life, they continued on for the next hour with callers calling in their deal breakers because of something I had written in my book.
People called in with all sorts of deal breakers. They ranged from the ridiculous to the wise. For example one caller said he broke up with a girl because she let her cat drink milk out of her cup and then went back to drinking it. Another caller had a good bit of advice that raising voices in the thick of an argument is a deal breaker and when that happens they take a break from the argment. Good advice.
My point in the chapter where I talk about deal breakers is that everyone has their “end-its” or boundaries if you will, that will end their marriage in divorce. I remembered having a conversation with my ex early on in our marriage about each other’s deal breakers. Mine was, I would agree to a divorce if he ever wanted out and if he ever had an affair it would be instant grounds for divorce for me. Those were my boundaries and my point was it was black and white. I don’t really remember his, probably because I was so focused on my own end-its and I wanted to make sure he understood them, that I probably tuned him out. I didn’t want there to be any confusion. I think his were very simple, if I ever wanted a divorce he wouldn’t stand in my way. Now mind you, this conversation was very early on in our relationship…way before kids even.
So when he did start seeing someone else outside of our marriage there was no guessing what I would do. But the funny thing was, at that point, he really didn’t care. He was in his own world. It was later, not a lot later either for those of you going through this now, that he wasn’t sure about what he wanted after all and that perhaps he had made a mistake. I found that my boundaries that were once black and white could be gray and that there were no rules and no absolutes.

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